A Shattered Heart 2 Years Ago Today…
The LORD has brought me this far
He will do the same for you as well
You just need be still and know that He is GOD
It’s not easy… not at all.
The LORD makes it easy
when you give Him full control
This is what I had to go through…
It wasn’t the first time I’d had a broken heart…
However, hopefully it will be the last time.
Jesus is the pain taker
He is the chain breaker
He is the prison-shaking Savior
If you’re in pain… this one is for you.
I am so tired of all of the pain.
I want to go home.
I know I have friends and for that I’m thankful,
and I have three wonderful children who love me…
But I feel so alone.
I feel so hopeless right now,
like I already know the end result
so what’s the point of trying anymore?
I am hurting so badly,
I’ve been cut open from neck to pelvis
with a dull blade with no anesthetics…
I’m lying here dying
and there’s no one around
that even knows I’m bleeding out…
Jesus will come for me this much I know.
I’m ready to go.
I don’t want surgery.
I’m feeling weaker by the second.
I reach for my heart
but it was ripped out of my chest still beating,
I can feel it.
How can this be?
My stomach is turning in circles
as I watch it… I feel nauseous.
Why am I not dead yet?
My blood is pooling around me,
I feel it pumping out.
I feel it all,
every organ inside me
struggling to maintain the pressure and the pain.
Signals to my brain are firing:
“let’s put her back together she can make it still somehow.” All I can see is the dark sky above me,
Jesus I need you now!
I haven’t eaten in nearly a week,
searching for the truth.
This is what it did to me, how do I keep going on?
The sky opens before me,
and I can see angels flying.
My mighty King is riding down
to take me in His arms.
I reach up for you Jesus…
with broken wings and broken bones.
I’m trembling all over
and I feel the tears stream down my face.
I’m ready now my Lord
please save me from this place.
My liver tries to filter the truth from the lies.
It’s going into failure
from the overdose of love inside.
My lungs are filling up with the words I want to say,
and I scream out to the one
who took my heart and ran away:
please come back don’t leave me here to die
I’ll give you all that I have still left inside!
I will fight for you in this battle,
and I’ll do it cut wide open.
Thats how strong I am,
even now just a wounded warrior woman.
The memories of our laughter
are flooding my mind right now.
I would stand by you forever;
I would never leave you like this.
My neurons are flashing
“it’s too dangerous for us,
we’re overloading with passionate explosions”.
Please don’t leave me after all we’ve been through,
don’t you know I am so in love with you?!
I will wait here and sustain my being
until you look back and see me bleeding,
I hope you come back…to me.
I hear my spirit cry out to my Lord
“it’s not time yet, don’t listen to what she’s saying, it’s not her time to go. Heal her of this mighty wound and speak life back into her soul”.
I can feel my body closing up
just like it was before…
before the fall…
before he took it all…
How can I walk without my heart,
how can I march on in this war?
I’ve been seriously injured,
what a mighty battle scar.
The tears still stream down my cheek
as I sacredy recall just how much he means to me.
King Jesus you have healed me,
what do I do, my God?
As I stare into His eyes of fire
He fills me with a brand new song.
I can feel a slow start of beating
within my chest walls,
He has given me His heart
so I will be able to survive this fall.
He’s the only one here with me,
floating high above the world.
My work here isn’t finished.
I’m still His little girl.
He takes me back down
to the place that we call “home”.
He smiles down at me and heals my wounded soul.
I look around, the house is empty…
I’m here all alone.
I’m staring at our picture
from Father’s Day after church…
After all of this…
I still feel my words under my breath trembling
“please, please don’t go”.
I hear the front door open
and my new heart skips a beat…
I hear footsteps coming closer and closer to me…
what will happen I don’t know.
I’m so scared right now I could just run and hide,
instead I stand here unwavering…
waiting, suspended in time.
I take a deep breath…
and I look into his beautiful eyes…
what is going to happen next?
I silently wait, trembling inside…
King Jesus got me through this pain
There is no pain on earth more intense
Than finding love and losing it…
Don’t fall for someone who was never yours
Wait for The LORD…
He has something beautiful for you in store!
He always opens a new golden gate
After He closes the door.
📯”The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them all. He keepeth all his bones: not one of them is broken.”📯Psalm 34:18-20📯